Dunt touch! I am too hot to handle.

Sometimes I really wonder why I have so many Lan Tao Hua around me. Why just cant I meet the right one and settle once and for all. I am too tired of the many guys around me but ending up with no good results. Why cant I just escape from these unwanted honey bees that keep buzzing around me. I dun need Lan tao hua lor. I just need that special one. The lucky one.

Thanks to Jeramy for the tom yam dinner that you specially cooked for me. You are the very first guy who cooked for me to eat. I love your house but too bad I cant be part of the owner even though you said I could bring my stuff over but i know you dun mean it at all.

Thanks David for keeping me company. The presence of you makes me feel I am very much being loved. But then, standing beside you really makes me feel so much older. Even though age does not matters but still, its a barrier.

The rides that Lawrence gives to me are equally appreciated. Even though its only a Cherry QQ but at least it still has 4 wheels. Thanks for expressing your feels towards me. I cant promise you anything at this point of time. I am even not sure if we will end up together. Let nature takes its course bah.

Your dislikes about me drinking has been noted and I have been cutting down alot. Your promises of callings and dates have been long waited and they are really taking very long and still I didnt heard from you. Anyway, I am still trying my best to cut down on drinking. Have more patience, Roger.

Its not tat I do not want to chat with you Jeff. Its becos your caring towards me is kinda causing me to avoid you. Its abit too scary for me. As I have said before, Dun fall for me as I will run.

Roland and I may have many happy moments together in the past. But sad to say your return has no impact on me. Pardon me for not meeting up with you but i will try to make it one of these days.

Its ok if you do not want to meet me again Danial. I am so confused of you actually. I really do not know what you wants from me. You seem to care alot of whom I am seeing and the activities I am involved. But then you seems to totally behave you cant be bothered at all after that. What is this?

1st Nov - His day!

Its Andrew Birthday today. 27th birthday. I duno why I still remember his birthdate. Send him a sms last nite. He did not reply. Not even a Thank you. I really cant figure out why I send him the sms and still remembers his birthday. I admit at times now I still think of him and the days when we are still togehter. Why arh? Am i still in love with him or is it becos i am lonely and I crave for that kind of feelings which he had given to me before.

Then why I didnt think of the days I am with Alex leh? I guess that is becos I really really ever love Andrew deeply before bah. Stupid me...

Masking time

Haha. Its time for mask. Today i choose chocolate mask. Enriched with vitamins and luxury dark chocolate. Removes dull surface cells and impurities while vitamins and plant exact soften the skin to restore a youthful glow. Minimize e appearance of find lines and wrinkles. Haha later my skin will be 'diong diong' again.

看清

再也不相信你说的话。明明说好的但到头来还是一场空。表面上你说的和做的到头还是只顾自己。我看清了.

Motives everywhere

I am finally on leave. Ya.. long leave. 1st to 11th Oct. I have yet to plan where to go and how to fully use my long leave. But I have bought a new mattress on line. Not sure if they will deliver tomorrow. Anyway its COD. No send no pay money lor.. I dun loose anything anyway.

Was watching the taiwan show 'Ai' where it showed Dolly became a drug addict becos she has fallen out of love with Anping. Daddy says: "stupid.. becos of love go take drugs. Really got such ppl meh?" Haha.. inside my heart I was feeling stupid too. But seriously when you are out of love, you do all foolish things.

I remembered years ago when I broke off with Wan, tat was the first time i took 'e'. Tat was back in boat quay. Years before that, i took '5' and 'gajar' out of curiosity. Anyway, I was not addicted cos i know its harmful to me. Yet i took cos i wanna be happy for that moment. Hahaha.. anyway, no effect on me lah.

Few weeks back, becos of Alex and many other issues which stress me so much, the period when i was feeling real down, I took sleeping pills. At that moment i just want to get the 'high' feelings but ended up sleeping. Sleep and sleep and sleep till i can feel my eyes swollen. Didnt know sleep too much eyes can be swollen..

See,told you, becos of love, we do stupid things..... And good news! I have not been drinking for the past 1 week. Maybe becos I dun feel like drinking. Secondly cos I do not want to drink with Amy cos she was having and being problematic. Ever since she broke off with her bf, everytime i drink with her, she either get drunk or she will start crying and asking what have she done to deserve what she is today. Well, me being so stressed, just feel like relaxing and drinking. But then with her non stop questions and behaviour, really turn me off completely and ended up feeling no mood to drink. Anyway, its not bad idea. Who knows I may ended up quitting drinking.

I was out with 1 guy last nite. He came to pick me up at 1am and i got home ard 3. I was figuring out why he wanted to meet me. He said cos he knew i was feeling down and he just wanna find out what happen cos he care. So ok.. i went. But end of the day, I found out something. He has motive! hahaha.. see.. told you guys before. So called friends only ask you out cos they have motives. And what was his motive??? hahaha.. read on...

He drove me to Marina bay where this place called Garden by the bay. Very nice place but too bad cannot smoke there. Police petrol on and off. Many ppl went there to fly kite. Very windy too. We were chatting all the way and I found out he was actually at clark quay drinking before he calls me out. Me, being 'act' stupid, asked why did he choose to leave his friends to meet me. He says, 'no lah. cos i know you have been feeling down for the past few days, so wanna find you and see how are you lor'. I just say 'so thats very kind of you'.

While driving home, his motive came.... He says he is feeling tired. eyes blurred. I told him to drive carefully and becos he was driving a manual, i cant took over. Then he asked 'do you mind if we stop somewhere to rest?' I say NO. I mind!. You understand what his meaning? Well, let me be more direct if you dun. He meant "wanna go hotel with me?" Now you understand?

Anyway, after saying NO to him, he asked again "have you ever bring your bf home to sleep?" Indirectly, he was asking "can i go to your house to sleep?" wahahahahaha.. my reply was "NO guys are allowed to enter my house esp my room!" He got the msg. He drove me home and when i alight, he says he gonna sleep a while in his car. I think he was praying hard that i will change my mind cos he kept saying he was tired. But i didnt and i left. In side my heart, i was telling myself, maybe after i left, he will start calling another gal to see if he has any chance to sleep over....... Kaoz.. Men.. really have motives. In their mind its only sex sex sex besides sex, its still sex. And why? why am i always their prey? Thankfully, though i may have the 'slut' face, i dun anyhow fuck around.

Men.. want sex?? Get lost! Beware you kena AIDS!

My Love will get you home

Singlesoul isnt that bad afterall

Not sure who send me this but I have been keeping this for long. Whenever I open my files, I will take a good look at it and reflect. Though I admit I dont have all the qualities but I knew I have some.

One guy I ever get to know once told me he never keep friends. He dun need friends for he say those friends that we claim they are 'Friends' will not see you as their 'friends'. They went out with you in order to have fun. They went out with you is because there is 1 more party to help them pay so that they pay lesser. Some even go to the extend of asking you to pay for everything. End of the day, you think you found good friends. But behind you, they may be laughing how stupid you are. Being taken advantage of and still doesnt know.

At that moment, I feel he was just bull shitting. Anyway, we are no longer in contact. How would one dun keep friends? However, somehow or rather, I do now feel he makes some sense. We can get to know new friends but they are not meant to be kept. For I feel true friendship does not exist. Esp when you needed them most, none of them really can be by your side. When they have problems, you go all way out to cheer them. Stay by their side. But when you are down, where are they? Human beings are just too selfish. I'hv seen it, feel it and really getting sick of it. Motives everywhere. Sometimes its just good to isolate ourselves.

Bored

A netfriend of mine did this and email me. Hoping I will smile and be happy when I see it. Ya. I little smile I gave. Perhaps he did this cos he was bored bah. You do all things when you are bored.... But thanks anyway.